Bengie's Triple Feature Experience #3

My third trip and final trip to Bengie’s this year.  They are closing for the season and this makes me sad since there are other movies I would like to watch as long as they cost $3 a piece.

Wreck-It Ralph

John C. Reilly has a voice that sounds like he has always been criticized.  Imagine if everyone only knew you from Days of Thunder or as Will Ferrell’s shadow and how your voice might change.  That is what happened to John C. Reilly.   As such it seems to be a perfect fit for Wreck-It Ralph, the in-game bad guy of an old-school Donkey Kong knock-off.

Ralph dislikes being the bad guy and being treated as such, so he leaves his game and explores others in hopes of being treated better.  This leads to us being introduced to other video game worlds and handful of clever visual puns.  What is most surprising is a slight break from Disney formula whereby the villain isn’t identified until about three-quarters of the way through the movie.  When they introduced the central villain I was surprised.  Surprises are usually vacant for contemporary Disney movies.  Still the villain is defeated by their own missteps (See the Lion King, Tarzan, Aladdin, etc…).

Video games movies are generally awful in a what-the-hell-were-the-makers-of-this-film-thinking way.  The only good ones ever produced seem to be documentaries.  This is a good film and shows that to make a good video game movie; it has to be a documentary or based on a video game that doesn’t actually exist.

Rating:

1 Zelda Heart Container

A nice treat

 

Alex Cross

At this point in the night it was getting cold.  Luckily, Bengie’s reminded me I could get an in-car heater for only one dollar.  It sounds like a steal, but they require your driver’s license, registration, and first-born son to safeguard themselves from you stealing it.

It was a good thing the heater was initially adequate so that I could stay awake during Alex Cross.  Alex Cross, played by Tyler Perry, is a doctor, Sherlock Holmes-style detective, father, and a damn good cop.  Everything about him screams protagonist.  About ten minutes into the movie a sudden shift to jagged techno music tells us that the antagonist is being introduced.  Surely he has to be badass to stand against the likes of Dr. Cross.  We are shown his badassery because he takes down a top underground MMA fighter for shits and giggles. I once wrote a movie script where a villain punched somebody and their head exploded.  The concept is similar here except I hope the scriptwriter for Alex Cross wasn’t ten years old.  This villain also has no name so we will refer to him as Mr. Balding.

            The movie was really generic and then Holy Shit! Mr. Balding kills Alex Cross’ pregnant wife.  Totally was not expecting that.  I got back into the movie at that point only for it force me back out.  The camera during many action scenes shakes uncontrollably to cover up how horrible these scenes are.  I’ve seen CSI episodes with better production values.  The difference is that CSI does a better job of establishing everyone’s motives.  I was going to add to this review that like every Tyler Perry film I probably had to be black to enjoy it. But I don’t think I would have enjoyed this film even if that was the case.

Scene of the Movie:  Mr. Balding is trying to kill a company executive.  The executive locks himself in his office with a fellow officer.  The officer tells him to open the door to let him out.  The executive says the door can only be open from the outside.  This is either a bluff or an incredibly stupid security system that would let thugs open the door.  Threats to the executive show he is bluffing.  The entire scene is made unnecessary from this.  If it was true the door couldn’t be opened the scene would have worked but be laughably stupid (and fitting for the film).

Rating:

100 Bison Dollars

Not worth the paper they're printed on.

 

 

 

 

 

Argo

 

Argo might be proof that Ben Affleck should only star in films he helps to write or direct (on second thought just name a film that’s not Good Will Hunting).  Argo was a good film and this is a good thing because Alex Cross nearly put me into a coma.  The Bengie’s heater wasn’t warm enough to keep me wide awake but hot enough to melt into my dash.  Argo kept me wide awake proving that Bengie’s saves their best film for last.

            Argo is about how scary it can be to be surrounded by angry Persians.  Imagine you go to Iran and a Persian starts angrily screaming at you in a language you don’t understand.  If you don’t have a military to back you up, one’s only other option is to find a clean pair of drawers.  This movie uses these instances to make every minute event tense.  Does a character have the boarding pass currently being held in their hands?  Holy crap, if he doesn’t show it to them the consequences may be unfathomable.  Yet this movie consistently throws these needlessly tense moments to the audience and does it well.

Argo is also about how easy it is to make a horrible film in Hollywood.  Argo is chosen solely for its locational needs.  The script is a Star Wars knock-off that might have made Episode One look good.  Might is the key word.  It is amazing that Hollywood still upholds this tradition (go look at Ben Affleck’s IMDB page)

Rating:

The Shoe.

A stupid concept made awesome in execution.


















Future reviews will likely not be at Bengie's for some time.  Expect a little more variation.